I’m now but… a distant memory!

7 Mar

The feeling of bumping into an old friend, who was particularly close or an ex is somewhat specific, especially when they have been long forgotten. It makes you remember the days when you were walking through a tunnel whose end you couldn’t see, whose walls felt as cold as they were strangely comforting. The days when you woke up with absurdly inflated hopes of finding something you love or achieving great things. The days when you pretended that everything was wonderful just for the benefit of everyone who thought that you should be over it by now.

People told you, always with the best intentions, that one day you were going to wake up and realize that you were okay, and your life was not immediately over because they were no longer a part of it. And this is true, though it’s not the net positive that we are so quick to label it as. Because it’s not as though you simply wake up one day and proclaim yourself fine, suddenly hearing birds chirp and children laugh after months of only your own oppressive silence. You simply start to forget, feeling the acute pain of the loss less and less as each day goes on. There will come a day when you don’t care, but you won’t notice it, because you will have other things to think about.

How we let people go!

But in order to let that pain go, in order to remove this person from the place of power they have occupied for so long, you must let everything go. Perhaps in a very distant future, you will be able to pick and choose the memories you want to keep, but for a very long time, one memory will always bleed into another.

Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them.

You stop caring about that person, lose your focus on them, get into your own usual routine and you say to yourself  “I’m so over you, now!”. It takes time, a whole lot of time… But eventually, you feel the breeze over you, you start watching the moon and stars without thinking about them, the birds start chirping back. And when you finally bump into that person again, you know right on the spot, that things have changed. What they have been up to have absolutely no meaning for you! You realize that there is no reason to be sad.

The person you knew still exists, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.

You bump into them, you meet them, you tell each other we should get coffee sometime, but never exchange new numbers

…because you know you are not going to see each other again.

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One Response to “I’m now but… a distant memory!”

  1. dilneemuth March 7, 2013 at 11:24 am #

    @Maliha You’re getting more and more philosophical in your posts day by day. intriguing really. the power of letting go.

    black is beautiful . is it because of that your clothing theme seems to be nearing black these days. :-p

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