Archive | March, 2013

She still thinks about him…

27 Mar

As she lies in bed, about to close her eyes and drift off to a far-away place , this is when she realises that it has now been a long time since she last saw him, touched him, whispered something in his ear.Though a huge part of their largely-silent, post acquaintanceship is based on the idea that neither of them have any interest in the other — that whatever happened between them is something entirely left in the past to wither and rot — she still thinks of him. She is not sure if that makes her the weak one in the equation (though she is alright with it if she is). It’s as though whatever existed before is now somehow erased from the mutual history of both, never to be acknowledged again — and that just feels ridiculous.

She wishes that reaching out to him wouldn’t be such an inappropriate step. In fact, it’s the whole “this requires a long, drawn-out explanation of why we’re talking again” thing that really confuses her — is she not allowed to ever consider his existence again? In almost every other aspect of her life, keeping tabs on things and remembering what was good is something to be praised, something that makes you an adult. Somehow, this is the exception.

What has he been doing? The things that he always talked about doing in that kind of dreamy, half-asleep lull of honesty — is he doing them?

Does he think about her? I know, it’s selfish, it’s childish. Nothing screams “immaturity” like wanting to catch up with someone only to shortly thereafter find out exactly what a small (or not at all) percentage of his life has to do with her still.

But in the interest of honesty, she does wonder…Sometimes, if he still does…!

I still think about you!

The Awkward moments and feelings in Life!

26 Mar
  • Seeing a bug, then losing track of it and becoming a paranoid prisoner in your own home.
  • When Facebook, Whatsapp or BBM tells on you for reading a message without responding. Thanks for blowing covers, exposing occasional ignorers/cheaters, and ruining acquaintanceships (does this word even exist?) across the globe with your snitching.
  • Turning my blackberry on takes FOREVER! I would wait patiently, watching the loading bar slowly increase, and once it got good and fully turned on, it has a security check! What did you need to check, we just spent 10 minutes getting you ready, aren’t you ready?!
  • Catching people standing behind you, staring at your screen. It doesn’t matter if you’re texting or surfing the web for completely normal, appropriate content, there’s something irritating about a person attentively watching your personal text messages be written, or keeping tabs on your web habits. I’m always tempted to open a word document and, in size 100 Times New Roman, write: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT WEIRDO?
  • Funny situation
  • When Courts Sales commercial or the Gangnam style clip come on. PLEASE STOP. They should be flagged as inappropriate content!
  • If a person stares at you for longer than five seconds. Only in films are lingering gazes so acceptable, and that’s probably because they’ve got the help of some sort of musical score playing in the background. Stares are uncomfortable for the most part. One second is basic eye contact. Two seconds are a lengthier glance. Three are potential flirtation. Four are like, okay, what’s your deal? Do you think I’m captivatingly attractive or fascinatingly hideous? And five are a flat out violation. What is it that you’re trying to process about my face that’s taken 1/12th of a minute?
  • Thinking that you’ve found a parking space, but as you turn in you discover that a motorcycle, or some other vehicle the size of a cat has already occupied the spot.
  • When a sneeze refuses to come out, causing you to look like a fool with a scrunched up face.
  • Trying to hold your laugh when somebody says “CatamarON” instead of catamaran and keeps on using the word over and over, in each and every single phrase that comes out of their mouth. It happened like hundred times since people got acquainted to that new thing, called catamaran!
  • Eating at a table with a bunch of people you don’t even know.
  • Waiting to hear from somebody specific and being bombarded by texts & calls from everyone who isn’t that person.
  • ATM Fees – Being required to pay money before you can access and retrieve your own money is a bogus concept. I’m considering of getting a stock of everything piled up because buying a pack of gum and getting cash back feels significantly less unfair than paying my money to acquire my money.
  • When the week feels like: Moooooooooooooonday, Tuuuuuuuuuuueeeesday, Weeeeeeeeeeeednesday, Thuuuuuuuuuursday, FriSatSun.
  • Checking your bank account after a day of shopping.
  • Getting paid but knowing in advance that your check will be consumed by lots of stuffs.
  • Entering a parked car on a scorching hot summer day. A Roasted Me!
  • When gas prices are increasing day by day.
  • Never saving someone’s number in your phone. Get texts from them that ask “how are you?” and respond “Who’s this? New phone…” You’ll invariably get a text back that’s like “Um, hello! It’s so-and-so!” They’re offended. They know you don’t have a new phone. You just didn’t want to save their number because that would mean that they existed and mattered. (Note: I actually do this all the time. Not because I don’t like the person but because I’m the laziest human being alive. Sometimes it’s because I hate them though.)
  • Emailing the wrong attachment or sending a work email without any subject. It happened so many times to me, that I often asked myself if I need to follow a course on how to use Emails.
  • Running into acquaintances is unavoidable, but when the conversation ends, we have to make sure to pay attention to the direction they’re headed in. Go the opposite way, because saying “bye” and walking the same route makes for an awkward walk and a second, awkward-er goodbye.
  • When a couple starts fighting and you don’t know how to react and starts glancing in all angles – up, down, right, left, 180 degrees, 60 degrees, 45 degrees…
  • Singing songs you’re not extremely familiar with at a level higher than the volume it’s being played at. All it takes is one incident in which you confidently singing the wrong lyrics at the incorrect part, in a LOUD voice, for you to understand how embarrassing this can be.
  • I’ve learnt the hard way, not to ever, EVER make assumptions about a person being pregnant.
  • Showing a colleague a picture on your phone and he/she scrolling down and seeing something NSFW. Guess I should start strictly enforce the see-with-your-eyes-not-with-your-hands rule.
  • When eating bananas, avoid eye contact with people as you go in for a bite.
  • Starting to say something and then getting interrupted…not once, but twice! -.-” That’s rude, very rude! Let me say what I have to, before I…forget!
  • Having to read a lease or contract in front of someone who’s waiting for you to sign it. Do you expect me to read it all and understand it while you are looking at me? Seriously?

I’m now but… a distant memory!

7 Mar

The feeling of bumping into an old friend, who was particularly close or an ex is somewhat specific, especially when they have been long forgotten. It makes you remember the days when you were walking through a tunnel whose end you couldn’t see, whose walls felt as cold as they were strangely comforting. The days when you woke up with absurdly inflated hopes of finding something you love or achieving great things. The days when you pretended that everything was wonderful just for the benefit of everyone who thought that you should be over it by now.

People told you, always with the best intentions, that one day you were going to wake up and realize that you were okay, and your life was not immediately over because they were no longer a part of it. And this is true, though it’s not the net positive that we are so quick to label it as. Because it’s not as though you simply wake up one day and proclaim yourself fine, suddenly hearing birds chirp and children laugh after months of only your own oppressive silence. You simply start to forget, feeling the acute pain of the loss less and less as each day goes on. There will come a day when you don’t care, but you won’t notice it, because you will have other things to think about.

How we let people go!

But in order to let that pain go, in order to remove this person from the place of power they have occupied for so long, you must let everything go. Perhaps in a very distant future, you will be able to pick and choose the memories you want to keep, but for a very long time, one memory will always bleed into another.

Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them.

You stop caring about that person, lose your focus on them, get into your own usual routine and you say to yourself  “I’m so over you, now!”. It takes time, a whole lot of time… But eventually, you feel the breeze over you, you start watching the moon and stars without thinking about them, the birds start chirping back. And when you finally bump into that person again, you know right on the spot, that things have changed. What they have been up to have absolutely no meaning for you! You realize that there is no reason to be sad.

The person you knew still exists, but you are separated by too much time to reach them again.

You bump into them, you meet them, you tell each other we should get coffee sometime, but never exchange new numbers

…because you know you are not going to see each other again.

Just Peachy…

7 Mar

“Life is all about making choices, we get to choose one among the many, and the one we choose defines our future and destiny.”

Today is MY day...!

 

Choose to be HAPPY!