Marriage Madness!

15 Oct

The marriage madness is beginning in my expanded social circle. Apparently marriage is now The Thing To Do. Just about every week I log onto facebook, and someone on my friends list is posting that they’re engaged, posting pictures from their wedding, or posting pictures from someone else’s wedding in our age / peer group. This has just started happening in past year. Previously I had a couple of engaged and married friends, but they were both people I’d always known would marry young for various reasons. Now it seems like most people are getting married or are waiting with baited breath for an engagement to happen.

I’m genuinely happy for everyone who is getting married to someone they love. I just feel out of the loop because for various reasons I just don’t feel ready to get married. I know that I’m in the age bracket, but I have never really imagined me in any white dress. I feel so out of sync with the majority of my peers. But, I know that this step shall come soon – and maybe will take me by surprise. Β I just don’t want to even think about it. I think am Gamophobia (Well, not totally)!!

Nowadays, many people, especially young women (even men, not to say small immature boys) in their early twenties, are getting married just for the sake of doing it or maybe they think it is the next most appropriate step to take in their life plan. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many marriages broken after some years, not to say months. They got distracted by the glitz and the glamour of dress shopping, flower picking, cake tasting and photo taking, never stopping to realize that maybe, just maybe, they really aren’t ready for this huge milestone. I’ve never been hasty in decisions I take in life and I believe that the day I’ll take this lifetime decision, I’ll stick to it.

One thing I’ve learnt is that it’s not a wedding that gives you the love of your life.Β Whether your goal is a diamond ring with a big fat wedding (which I believe is a total waste of money, time and energy) or to simply find your soul mate, be happy with your choice no matter what’s happening around you. You bring about what you think about.

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16 Responses to “Marriage Madness!”

  1. Irshaad October 15, 2012 at 6:09 pm #

    It seems like we just don’t value marriage anymore. We get married for all the wrong reasons. Marriage is about finding the person you love, adore, honor, cherish, and to whom you are totally committed.

    Nothing is greater than to come home every single day to your best friend. Nothing is greater than to able to look into someone’s eyes, and know what each other is thinking without even saying a word…someone you could talk to all day long and feel good about it. Marriage is something that you need to think about long and hard before you enter into it. You need to find the person with whom things will work out in the long run.
    Marriage is something very sacred and need both of the two to work…

  2. Maliha Bhugalee October 16, 2012 at 5:13 am #

    Words don’t really reflect reality, however beautiful they may sound! πŸ™‚

  3. dilneemuth October 16, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    @Irshaad Wish what you was saying was true. but it isn’t rosy and all smiles. I think the movies around denote a rather too rosy picture and idealize everything. Believe me, i saw too many marriages fail , couples fighting over each other over pretty much everything some time after wedding. what we need is more counselling before wedding i think, like they do in christian churches (give advice to young couples before they embark on this journey, the responsibilities and each other’s role ). Wish jummah mosque would come up with something like this in the future.

    @Maliha Don’t worry too much about that , enjoy life. do things you love. Life is not black and white. You never know when something exciting comes your way.

  4. Maliha Bhugalee October 16, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    Hmm, thank you for these words. Agree that young couples should learn more about responsibilities and their roles.

    This said, life is definitely not black and white, at least not mine! πŸ˜‰

  5. aniisah October 16, 2012 at 6:16 pm #

    Ages ago, they said women got into marriages for financial security, to have someone to care for their needs. In return, they look after the home and the kids. This has significantly changed today with so many women now occupying posts that pay well and somehow they do not really need to rely so much on their male counterparts.
    As for men, most of them lack the sense of commitment. And seriously, some even told me that since girls (and very pretty ones too) are so easy to get, why should they want to get ‘tied’ down to just one. -_-‘
    So both gender are content with the way things are going for them. Why change that?
    But then again, there is ‘Family Pressure’. This, for me, could be one of the wrong reasons people get married nowadays. When all the ‘bling bling’ is over, there is nothing left but two people who do not have a valid reason to be together.
    I agree with you that marriage is not something to be taken lightly. I am kind of going through the same phase. But I do wonder if I’ll ever be ready!
    Anyway, hope we find the one who will make it all worthwhile! πŸ˜‰

  6. Maliha Bhugalee October 17, 2012 at 8:28 am #

    Totally agree with what you said.

    Apparently, it is the current trend nowadays. It’s very rare to find marriages like the ones our parents lived and are living!

    Lol, I think we are never going to get ready, we’ll just go through it one good day. πŸ˜‰

  7. Irshaad October 17, 2012 at 9:17 am #

    Hi,

    I started my phrase by saying “It seems like we just don’t value marriage anymore. We get married for all the wrong reasons. ”
    I acknowledge and know how many couples have not worked well. I know many, too many…It is not just today but long ago also it was like that. Today it is just more easy and people instead of making the new couple work they try everything to create issues.

    People will always take the wrong example…it is true that many people think about marriage like a dream more than a responsibility. BUT there are many many many couples that are having a happy life with 2 yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs of marriage and more. I do know some of them.

    We do know all the issues that happen, we know that we don’t have the support of our surroundings in many cases. But we can surely learn from them and make ours wonderful…

    One I will never forget is a situation where a couple separated more than ones. Parents also was not able to patch up but then their cousins talk to them and fix the issues. Today they are having a happy life….Just because youngsters fix it, it is a great real life story.

    Fights (discussion) there should be and will be…if you make it end well, this is what make the bond stronger…else life would become boring…

    Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

    Collaborate and make it happen, everyone has the chance and privilege to be happy…

    Wish you all a wonderful life ahead,

    Irshaad.

  8. dilshad neemuth October 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm #

    @Irshaad Well, I appreciate your positiveness and sound reasoning. well, simply put it, if there were not failed love stories, there wouldn’t many themes in bollywood movies around. would they? πŸ™‚
    Sometimes, it’s just better to leave the broken glass pieces on the floor and move on..

  9. Irshaad October 18, 2012 at 9:58 am #

    Dil,

    There will always be something to put in movies whether its love or … They will do what sells better…( I would lie if I say I dont watch them…its no crime :p)

    I never leave broken glasses on the floor, someone else can get hurt…you may not know.. :p

    I really appreciated your comments, especially about counselling…well whether on mariage or something else, everything is in detailled in a Book called Coran…unfortunately, people read it but does not understand it…if they do understand it they do not put it into practice….

    My Friend Belall N., does it happen to be your cousin? add me on fb…

  10. someone October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm #

    what happened to that girl that used to dream about love, husband and lots of kids?

  11. Guru October 19, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    Interesting post.
    I think in some years, the legal field will be THE field to be in. So far, I have not seen any relationships that blossomed before the age 22-23 do well. Every single one of them failed. This is the new world. Everyone is in a hurry. At the expense of themselves. In a hurry to get into a relationship at 14-15y, in a hurry to get engaged, in a hurry to get married, and finally in a hurry to get divorced.

    Nobody seems to understand that happiness is a journey.

  12. Maliha Bhugalee October 22, 2012 at 9:13 am #

    Food for thought! Very well said πŸ™‚

  13. Dilshad Neemuth October 22, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    @irshaad same goes for me. Belall N. ? Yes, we’re from the same company. πŸ™‚
    already added you on FB. keep in touch, there’s something coming up soon about this.

  14. dilneemuth January 7, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    @Irshad
    Just came across this article in Star newspaper, seems very related to this topic. Just addign it for reference. there’s a masjid at Nouvelle France, Masjid-E-Kuba, which seems are giving out pre-marriage counselling.. to those interested.

    http://www.starpress.info/dossiers/item/2660-divorce-des-couples-musulmans-proportion-alarmante.html

    @Maliha sorry for appropriating your blog like this, but hopes this will help others.and thnks πŸ™‚

  15. Dario May 18, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    Marriage is a beautiful illusion. People stay together because they truly love each other, not because they are tied up on paper πŸ™‚ If you have the right foundation to a relationship, marriage just becomes a joyful celebration of love. If you don’t have the right foundation, marriage is just a veil that will break down sooner or later.

  16. Maliha Bhugalee May 19, 2013 at 4:58 pm #

    Agree 200%!

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