Handling My LDR…

13 Feb

Being in a long distance relationship isn’t easy. It requires very strong trust, commitment, guidelines, communication and bla bla bla. From what I heard is that majority of people in long distance relationships eventually break up. That’s why you see so many “experts” proclaim that long distance relationships are a bad idea and don’t work. Yet if you learn to master communication and set the parameters of your relationship, it can work. It’s an uphill battle, but it is possible…(uh is it really?) I have been in a long distance relationship since 5months now… and all i can say is that i have been through lots of ups…n even more downs. But i don’t regret a single moment, because everything is just wonderful *during good times* ๐Ÿ˜›
Strong trust… yeah!! You really have to trust that person a lot… You are here…and he is there with lots of creatures around. (while writing this part, i recalled the part of the film ‘Anaconda: the search for the blood orchid”ย  when the actress kadee strickland was asked to pick up the orchids and just below were a pool full of anacondas). So everyone is in the same situation, facing a pool of anacondas everyday, anytime they can be caught in between their jaws and become victims… so you cant really predict what can really happen. They say if you are sincere, or you don’t usually get tempted you may overcome being victims, but it is not always true! You cant prevent yourself from being attracted to some beautiful face or…other things nah ๐Ÿ˜›

Commitment: I guess if you really commit yourself to someone..*Corps et ame* u may prevent yourself from all kinds of temptations! I mean if you both really know what you really want from your relationship and you believe fully in it then only you can commit. You can’t commit to someone if you have doubts or are uncertain about the future. So don’t promise anything to anyone unless you are really sure of what you really want. Its all in your mind and your heart! So listen to both…

Communication: This is the most important aspect of any kind of relationship…The key to making long-distance relationships work is to talk honestly and openly about how you feel. I’m sure many of those who are in a LDR, often fall into one of the following traps:

Let’s pretend it’s OK – if asked how you are, you both say “I’m OK, everything’s fine.” Underneath you’re both lonely, but are too scared to say in case the other person doesn’t understand.

It’s all right for you – you try to be nice when you talk, but the resentment slips out. You’re both convinced your partner’s having an easier time of it than you. Underneath you both want reassurance, but fear you’ll be rejected

(Is this some kinda ego problem…?? *Duh*)

Be honest

Share your feelings about the separation – both the positives and the negatives. This will give you the opportunity to really understand each other and give the support and reassurance you both need.


Another major thing is to establish the relationship rules and parameters.


It is vital that you and your partner set rules and parameters to guide your long distance relationship. This includes an agreement that you will not date others, that you will communicate daily.



I should start making my list. I have personally not set any kind of rules or parameters. I left him doing things he wants to do…let him completely free, thinking that most probably he is conscious and fully aware of his limits, what he is supposed to do and what not! com’on every1 knows that! I live by the philosophy that “I will fully trust a person until they give me a reason not to”. And most prolly that will be the end of everything…I don’t really forgive. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ and if one’s trust is broken, trusting that person again and making as if nothing has changed *when everything has* will be lying and deceivingย oneself.


…& finally it’s not passion that ends long distance love, but usually plain loss of common interests.


Absence makes the heart grow fonder ?? – or so the saying goes..

Advertisements

12 Responses to “Handling My LDR…”

  1. yashvin February 13, 2009 at 4:30 pm #

    Just a little pharse from me : It didnt work…

  2. xxmalihaxx February 14, 2009 at 5:33 am #

    Yeps.. you are right!! It won’t…

  3. yashvin February 14, 2009 at 5:56 am #

    :S
    Wish you good luck!

  4. caTRina February 23, 2009 at 5:25 am #

    Came across this blog while googling.
    Well I personally think that LDRs do work. I’ve been in one for almost 2 years now…which is quite a long time if you think about it. Although it lacks the physical intimacy that a normal relationship may have, if you meet occasionally (we try to meet each 3-4 months), then it will be ok. Of course, the trust issue here is phenomenal: is that female colleague coming over to his flat too often?? But voicing out fears, as you mentioned, and talking often can dispel any negative thoughts. And anyway, now with reduced phone fares, Skype etc, you can at least see and hear your loved one.
    I hope that everything works out well for you both. All relationships are hard, not only the long distance ones, so keep strong.
    Cat

  5. morinn February 27, 2009 at 1:35 pm #

    First, I’m glad to see you’ve updated your blog! It’s great to read your again! ๐Ÿ˜›

    And I used to think that long distance relationships do not work too, until my sister got into it. She’s in a long distance relationship since January of last year since her bf is studying med in SA and they’ve been doing fine till now. I’ve started thinking that it might work. Dunno yet, they still got some way to go.

  6. sha_kop March 8, 2009 at 12:43 pm #

    It works if you really love each other and both are committed! Maliha ene lepok pas tane twa, ti coire tone fini marier tous!!!

  7. xxmalihaxx March 13, 2009 at 7:48 pm #

    hi catRina…
    Thnx for droppin in. I totally agree with you. I have been in this relationship since some months now…6-7months! lots of ups and downs, but i feel if both really want it to work it will definitely. i unfortunately get to meet him only aftr one year, but for a long period of about 3months ๐Ÿ™‚
    trust…dats da main issue i guess! but i feel ke its all worth it!! coz i just…love him! ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. xxmalihaxx March 13, 2009 at 7:49 pm #

    Shaf shaf! agree with u as well that it will work out only if u really love each other and both are committed! well till now, je dirai pas le contraire ๐Ÿ™‚

    (Qan m pr marier pr invite toi no worries)

  9. xxmalihaxx March 13, 2009 at 8:07 pm #

    hi morinn! tx 4 da comment!! well it does work, provided both contribute to make it work and both really want it to work… ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. aliirfaan April 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm #

    Faire couma dire mo content 1 tifi ki res maurice mem and we don’t really meet. Conte LDR meme sa?

  11. Maliha April 13, 2009 at 3:27 pm #

    lol… ur question made me consult wikepedia and according to it, when two persons are in an LDR, they are separated by a considerable distance and yet keep their relationship flourishin…
    so yeah kav compte dan ene LDR mem sa (amoins si zot voisin voisine lol)

  12. nAvz April 23, 2009 at 6:47 pm #

    LDRโ€ฆ
    I really thought of IT stuff at first.. Liquid Display.. ehuu… zen got disappointed.. Lol. Oxford should really think of writing the Acronym dictionary one of these days ๐Ÿ™‚

    Let me quote some of my favorites ๐Ÿ™‚ (sorry for diverting from the topic)

    RTFM (“Read The Fucking Manual”)
    GIYF (“Google Is Your Friend”)
    JFGI (“Just Fucking Google It”)
    UTSL (“Use The Source Luke”)

    Hah ! ๐Ÿ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: